Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
