You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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