We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
