Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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