Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
