ya dads aren't the best wingmen
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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