is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
