end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
