Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
