apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
