You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
