How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
