some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
