found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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