I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
