FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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