Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You just made me feel so damn special
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
