i jhust puked up my retainher.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
