i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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