I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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