and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
