Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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