Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
