i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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