Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
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I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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