i may or may not be watching the land before time
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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