Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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