So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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