You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
