see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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