I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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