his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
