Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
