so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
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she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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