we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
