You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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