I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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