He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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