a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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