my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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