One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize