we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you win again, gameday.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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