I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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