Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
