It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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