If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
