I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
