Got a toothbrush?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
