I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
