the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
