I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
