btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
