Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
