I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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