So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
