fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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