I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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