maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
