3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
