I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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