apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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