I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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