How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
