You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right