If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it