I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
