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It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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