Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.