Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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