Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
