i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
