kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
