i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
