just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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